Donald Trump: fake hair, fake tan, fake president. The misadventures of a real estate salesman who conned his way into the White House

The Trump presidency is a high-wire aberration that must be endured until 2020 when Americans get to correct their act of lunacy. One can only hope that Trump does not cause too much damage in the meantime. Like blowing up the planet. And that’s not to be dismissed as extravagant rhetoric.

Donald Trump is so stupid, vain, thin-skinned and totally blind to the consequences of his actions that anything is possible. And there’s no point looking to his coterie of advisers as a band of protection against the unthinkable. They are even more malicious, venomous and unhinged than their boss.

Optimistic observers were willing to overlook Trump’s boorish behaviour, buffoonish ways and pig-ignorance on the campaign trail and suggested we might see a more presidential Trump once in office. Not a chance.

From Day 1, Trump has demeaned the office of US President like no other president before him. At every step he has lacked civility, courtesy and coherence. His attempt at government by executive order has been constitutionally and administratively shambolic. Virtually every meeting with a foreign leader has been an excruciating embarrassment. He has declared war on the free press and the independence of the judiciary with a venom that owes everything to his persona of schoolyard bully and nothing to intellectual persuasion.

Those willing to give Trump the benefit of the doubt noted that he was after all a successful businessman. In fact, we know no such thing.

He claims to be a billionaire, but of this there is no evidence. And while there have been repeated claims of his intellectual superiority, all those claims have been made by Trump himself.

Until Trump, when was the last time anyone heard a grown man – drunk or sober – declare: “I know big words”?

Trump’s boasts are legion: “I’ve won many awards”, “I got very good marks”, “I’m a really smart guy”, “I alone can fix it. I will restore law and order”, and his show-stoppers: “Nobody has more respect for women than I do” and “I am the least racist person you’ve ever met”.

As a candidate Trump was a showman first and foremost. As he told one rally of adoring supporters: “I can be presidential, but if I was presidential…[only] about 20%  of you would be here because it would be boring as hell.” That’s the kind of boast Nelson Muntz would make: “I’m only pretending to be dumb; I can be smart if I want to.”

Fake hair, fake tan, fake Trump

The man who has introduced “fake news” to the lexicon of dissent is himself a fake. Quite apart from his fake hair and fake orange hue, Trump is a 300-pound sack of contradictions, inconsistencies and outright lies. The candidate who condemned the outsourcing of manufacturing overseas did so himself as a businessman; the candidate who condemned illegal migrants employed them as a businessman; the candidate who claimed to instinctively understand the needs of small-businesspeople routinely shafted business owners and contractors.

When Trump boasted: “I know our complex tax laws better than anyone who has ever run for president and am the only one who can fix them”, he did so without hint of discomfort that he defied convention in refusing to release his own tax returns.

Other than a selective leak of his 2005 return recently – possibly leaked by Trump himself – there is nothing to confirm his self-declared and almost certainly bogus status as a billionaire; there is nothing that sheds light on potentially comprising relationships with foreign financiers and business partners; and there is only more proof that he is a serial liar – having procrastinated on the release of his tax returns, Trump never did release the tax information. After his election, when quizzed by reporters about his still not released tax returns, Trump shrugged: “I won!” Which is another way of saying, “Fuck you!”

The chaotic Trump presidency to date – it seems like two years, but it’s only been two months – has seemed like a reality TV show that has exceeded a producer’s wildest expectations. Perhaps surreality TV would be more apt.

There is a theory that Trump is a “disruptor”, that he is the wake-up call that the political establishment so desperately needed to finally recognise the hurt and disillusion of millions of Americans disenfranchised by globalisation, free trade and economic liberalisation. A wake-up call for the “political elite” more interested in fulfilling their ideologically pristine agendas than considering the wellbeing or values of increasingly marginalised constituents. These are concerns in play around the world – in the UK, Europe and Australia.

The UK will survive Brexit, and Australia will outgrow its rekindled fascination with the kookery of One Nation, but what of Trump’s US? It is quite possible that Trump will, by whatever device, not last four years. But even so, would a President Pence have the skill or commitment to rectify whatever damage Trump manages to unleash? Or would Pence simply be Trump with a little more elan? A Trump Lite?

The 1950s ain’t coming back

And if Trump does last four years – or, heaven forbid, eight years – just what will be the extent of his disruption? It may be that the mayhem of the Trump presidency will result in chaos on the homefront and the beginning of a new world order in which the US is no longer leader and protector of the “free world”. This will partially reflect Trump’s isolationist tendencies, but also the US’s growing irrelevance under an erratic president clearly out of his depth and with the attention span of a gold fish.

Trump’s voters don’t care about foreign policy; not for the moment anyway. What they want is the return of US manufacturing, the return of US jobs and the return of White America. In a nutshell, the return of the 1950s. That’s also what Pauline Hanson’s supporters want. But the 1950s ain’t coming back.

Trump’s disillusioned masses were right to be disaffected; and they were right to feel they were being ignored – even ridiculed – by the political elites. Lessons hopefully learned. But they were wrong to think Trump was the man to put things right. Trump has always been and remains a bombastic conman; the Colonel Tom Parker of American politics.

Desperate voters can be forgiven for being duped by Trump’s razzle dazzle. But voters also knew that Trump was racist, a misogynist, a proven liar and dissembler, a hypocrite, an irresponsible braggart who openly mocked a disabled reporter, incited violence at his rallies and reduced public discourse to its lowest ebb.

For that, American voters cannot be forgiven.

Leo D’Angelo Fisher is a Melbourne journalist and commentator. He is a former columnist with BRW and the Australian Financial Review. He was also a senior writer at The Bulletin magazine. Follow him on Twitter @DAngeloFisher or correspond via leodangelofisher@gmail.com

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